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Buddhist marriage is very simple and does not involve any complex ritual. The most pleasant thing about the Buddhist weddings is that they are based more on faith and less on religion. A typical wedding takes place in two parts, one is Buddhist component and the other is non-Buddhist component. The Buddhist component involves offering prayers along with gifts to the monks and Buddha image. The non-Buddhist component engulfs traditional practices followed by the family of the couple.

The Buddhists are strict conventionalist when ceremonies and rituals come. The Buddhists weddings are no exception. The expansion of the pre-wedding rituals is to manifest the formality of asking the bride`s family for their consent by the groom`s family.

The monk called Lama decides the auspicious day for the wedding. The betrothal ritual follows this ceremony. The lama recites the prayers and then a concoction called the madyan is served to the guests, this is considered as a religious drink. The astrologer or the monk carries out the rites on the auspicious day for the wedding.

Marriage Through The Ages

Buddhist marriages have been considered as secular matters in Buddhist countries. The parties took a blessing from monks at the local temple after the civil registration formalities have been completed. Although Buddhist monks do not solemnize a marriage ceremony, they do perform religious services in order to bless the couples. From the Buddhist point of view, marriage is neither holy nor unholy. Buddhism does not regard marriage as a religious duty nor as a sacrament that is ordained in heaven.

Match Making

The matchmaking is usually done by taking the boy and the girl in confidence. It could be by the parents of either side or by the eligible boy himself. When the boy finds a suitable girl for him, he would usually send a family friend to the girl's house. The friend would generally carry a wine bottle or any other alcohol bottle for that matter. Additionally he carries a white silk scarf - khada. His role is to see whether the girl's family show any inclination towards the proposal.

Costumes

Bridal Wear

The Buddhist bride has this dress made of brocade called Bhaku. The dress resembles a sarong, only it has to be full length. The bride wears it with a sleeved blouse, Hanju. The hanju is usually made of Chinese silk called khichen. She also wears aspecial coat and a scarf. Some unusual jewellery (Khau) is also worn by her, those made of large precious and semi-precious stones for example turquoise, coral, pearl, etc. These jewellery would be worn around the neck and also on the forehead by traditional family girls. She would wear heavy gold bracelets in her arms too. The jewellery is mostly in pure gold or gold plated. The brides also wore special shoes and hat in the earlier days but this is not in fashion these days.

Groom's Attire

A Buddhist groom also wears a Bhaku, one that is with sleeves. The bhaku reaches to just above the ankles. The bhaku looks beautiful as it is made of brocade and is worn with a waistcoat called Lajha. The boy would also wear a cap, also made of brocade and a sash around the waist.

Pre Wedding Rituals of Buddhist

The foremost and the most important ritual amongst Buddhists is the horoscope matching. It is thought to be quite important and is practiced with dedication. After matching the horoscopes of the probable bride and groom, the boy`s family in discussion with the lama decides an auspicious date for putting the proposal of the wedding. The next ceremony is the Chessian Betrothal ceremony, where the maternal uncle of the bride is seated on a raised platform. The priest recites prayers and gives `madyan` as a holy drink to everybody. This is followed by fixing of the wedding date in consultation with the astrologer.

The Buddhist Wedding

Buddhist WeddingIn the early morning, the bride`s and the groom`s families arrive at the temple. The groom`s family bring many trays containing fruits, wine, traditional cake, tea, meat, and most importantly jewelry that the bride will be getting as dowry. The trays are necessary to be either six or nine in number. Seven or eight are considered unlucky numbers amongst the Buddhists. One of the trays also contains a pair of candles, which are lit either by the bride and the groom or their parents; the tradition varies with places and countries. The lighting up of the two candles symbolizes the unification of the two families.

The couple and the assembly deliver a procession hymns from Vandana, Tisarana and Pancasila before a specially constructed shrine and the image of Lord Buddha. The candles and the incense sticks are lit before the image of Lord Buddha and flowers are offered in abundance. Next, the bride and the groom narrate the traditional undertakings as inscribed in Sigilovdda Sutta. A red paste is applied on the foreheads of the bride and the groom. The groom says the following words:

"Towards my wife I undertake to love and respect her, be kind and considerate, be faithful, delegate domestic management, present gifts to please her."

The bride in response speaks

"Towards my husband I undertake to perform my household duties efficiently, be hospitable to my in-laws and friends of my husband, be faithful, protect and invest our earnings, discharge my responsibilities lovingly and fastidiously."

Post Wedding Rituals of Buddhist

The wedding ceremony comes to an end with the recital of Mangal Sutta and Jayamangala Gatha as a blessing for the newlyweds. Buddhist marriage is very simple and does not include any complex ritual. The most pleasurable thing about the Buddhist weddings is that they are based more on faith and less on religion. A typical wedding is divided into two parts, one is Buddhist component and the other is non-Buddhist component. The Buddhist component includes offering prayers along with gifts to the monks and Buddha image. The non-Buddhist constituent engulfs customary practices followed by the family of the couple. The non-Buddhist component is deep-seated in folk traditions, followed by the couple`s family.

The ritual of red paste is created is similar to what is done at Hindu weddings. The bride`s mark is done with the butt of a candle keeping in with the tradition of not even touching women. Buddhist weddings in recent times have cut down on the complicated ceremonies involved. Monks also have a greater role as compared to previous times when they were forbidden.

The twin forces of modernity and scientific knowledge have made their influence on Buddhist weddings as well. Though Buddhist weddings are quite informal but their structure has changed extensively. Initially monks did not attend the weddings, as they had to be present during the funeral rites. Nowadays, the role of the monks in weddings has become quite reflective. Buddhist weddings are customary ceremonies and are an essential part of Buddhist culture.

Celebrations

Music & Dance

Music and dance have been always a part and parcel of the marriage fair in Sikkim. The prime features of the occasion are Sangini, Nepali folk dance Maruni, Tamang Selo, Chufaat, Zo-mal-lok Bhutia folk dance, Singhi Cham, Yak Cham and Chabrung etc. The dances of Sikkim have little relationship with Indian traditions except in the cases of mask dances which have the same format as the Buddhist dances still practiced. The women here have their independent folk dances but the men by and large are attracted only to the monastic versions.

Cuisine

The wedding feast would include meat dishes, the ones made of beef and pork. Rice dishes would be there also as rice is the staple food. Buddhists go for the oriental dishes, hence their dishes are generally steamed or roasted. They also have semi-fried or stewed food. The Buddhist feast has started including the usual North Indian dishes like those of Dal Makhani, Naan, Channa, Paneer, etc. Additionally, Indian sweets like those of Gajar ka Halwa, Gulab Jamun, etc are also increasingly found in the marriage menus. But typical Buddhist dishes like Nettle Soup, a variety of Orchid flower and cottage cheese, also cooked bamboo shoots are inevitably found. And last but not the least wine and similar alcoholic drinks should be kept in the carte du jour. The indigenous tsang would always be found at the table. Tsang is offered to the groom in a special ceremonial vessel made of wood and wrapped with a carved silver foil, called hede pipe.

Some Strange Customs

Buddhist marriage is quite a boisterous affair, wherein the boy's family arrives at the girl's place. The custom has it that a pot of water, flowers, bamboo sticks are arranged in a typical way and leaves adorn the entrance for good luck. The girl's sisters welcome the boy and his friends in a rather prickly way. They throw nettle leaves and thorns etc on them. It is done because they want the groom to give them some suitable presents or money. Till then the groom would not be allowed to enter the hall.